Single Mom Fridays

That's supposed to be funny. But I hate my life right now.

I hate being a single mom.

Don't get me wrong, I love my son to death, he's the best thing that ever happened to me. He's amazing. I would do anything for him.

But I hate being alone. I hate raising him alone.

I really hate that my mom says she did it alone. She didn't do it alone. She had my dad, even though they weren't together. They each took turns with me... meaning my mom had her own time. The only Brandi time I've had in the last month was 45 minutes out with Cerrissa and Joseph 2 weeks ago. And going to apply for jobs. And my stupid doctor's appointment last Tuesday.

I'm depressed. I hate that the people that I talk to on a regular basis are spread out across the US... I hate that my best friends are 24+ hours away.

No, no. I really just hate him. I hate him for not even acknowledging his son. I hate him for putting his hands on me, for being verbally and emotionally abusive. I hate him for not giving me any support, emotionally nor monetarily. I hate him. I hate him so much.

New Criteria... part 1.

I have decided I have new criteria for future romantic interests... since I don't attract awesome dudes even though I'm easy and my nips tell jokes... grr. lol.

1. Must have a legitimate job. I have a habit of dating men who don't have a legitimate job. See: Daniel, who "worked" at his parents car dealership. Jesse, who is 31 and a bouncer. Otto, who... well, he just didn't have a job. I don't have time for this BS anymore. And I don't have the money to be paying for shit you should be paying for... like your own fucking gas. Or taking you on dates (I'm totally down for taking my guy on dates. Just not every single date). Or paying for drinks every time YOU ask ME out.

2. Must not ignore me for work. Seriously. That just doesn't fly. If you want to be with me, you'll make time. Don't be a douchebag. You get a day off every once in awhile. Use that day to come and snuggle or something else lame. I'm easily amused.

3. Do not be abusive. Verbal abuse. Lies. Controlling behavior. Physical violence. Just don't do it. I'll kick your ass, or find someone to kick your ass.

4. Jealousy is unacceptable. I have a lot of guy friends. I'm semi-flirtatious, though it's generally sarcastic and always harmless. I have never, nor will I ever, cheat on any of my significant others. I have a joke with my best friend Adam that we're getting married when we're 30, and we have a fake engagement photo. Do not act psycho because of that. Don't act psycho because of things from my past - they're my past for a reason. Do not accuse me of cheating because I need the occasional girls night. Do not accuse me of cheating because I failed to answer the phone while showering, or while sleeping, or while working. Just don't accuse me of cheating at all and we'll be good. I am not a jealous person. If you give me a reason to be suspicious or pissed, then I'll tell you to shove it up your ass and walk away. And never look back.

5. Don't expect me to be overly affectionate. I'm not all that affectionate. Yes, I love holding hands in public, pecks on the cheek/lips/forehead in public, hugs... but I will NOT make out, and do NOT grope me. And I don't want to snuggle all the time, and I don't want to make out like a 14 year old... and I'm not all that into having sex all the time. Moral of the story: I'm not touchy-feely. I have my reasoning. Don't pressure me. I'll kick you in the nuts.

If you're fake and you know it...

Don't announce it. Stupid bitch.

I've really never met anyone so proud of being fake. Admitting that the majority of your friends are "frenemies" isn't really a good thing either. And after admitting both things, you wonder why no one likes or respects you.

You're 23 and a masters student and hanging out with underage kids, trying to relive your "glory days"... and constantly talking about how you miss high school. No one in their right mind misses high school. We were all awkward and yeah, while it was a great time for some of us, no one wants to go back... Even the most popular kids are over it by now. We're adults. Grow up.

I'll never understand why I let her back into my life... she's obviously toxic, and dropping friends like flies... Sorry, "sweetie"... but if you're going to post things on facebook and twitter like "If you're going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty"... you should take your own advice. One day you'll realize you were, in fact, the one in the wrong, not the rest of us, and we'll all be too busy being adults and you'll have pushed us all so far away that you'll be friendless and unhappy.

By the way... you're right. You are really good at being fake. I hope it continues to serve your purpose... but when it stops, and your life crumbles around you... don't call me. I don't need a fair weather friend.

I'm lucky I own 20+ pairs...

I'm really obsessive about changing my underwear. As in, I do it like 3 times a day. Why? No idea. Sometimes I think I do it because the way I sleep my stupid leg holes stretch out. Other times I think I'm just crazy and enjoy a clean pair of underwear. Are you going to get judgey? Well fuck you, you and your dirty ass and dirty underwear!

Other than that, my life is rather unexciting. Except that an ex-boyfriend wants me back. Here's where this gets strange: He text me saying that he broke up with me because I wanted to be single. Um, clearly I didn't. I ended up in an abusive relationship. Yes, his breakup with me eventually led me to have this beautiful and amazing love of my life baby. But really? Cause at the time, I was pretty sure he was the one. Now I think he's BSC... for many reasons. But my thoughts on this: because I am not clingy and not your typical psycho girlfriend (as the majority of girls in El Paso are), I want to be single? Maybe I just respect personal space, and I want my personal space respected. And I don't fall in love easily... and I find it WAY creepy when some dude tells me he loves me after a couple dates. I haven't depended on a man for 23 years (well, my dad being an exception... but he's my dad)... and I don't need to start now. Especially when the men I keep attracting are worthless losers with barely a high school diploma. BAM. Suck it, losers. Where's my knight in shining armor? Not in El Paso.

It's okay, I'm going to marry a Detroit Red Wing... hahaha. Sad part is that it's entirely possible.

Anywho... I'm off to change my underwear.

Wait, what?

I'm married? My aunt Diane (mom's sister) told her sister-in-law Jeannine that I got married and that my parents are planning a reception at the Holiday Inn in Muskegon. Jeannine turned around and told my aunt Barb (dad's sister). SAY WHAT? I don't even have a boyfriend! And my cousins and their gfs/wife all know that too! So confused.

Let's add to it that I got a message from a girl I went to high school with that said "Hey, you're planning your own shower?" Um, what? I planned my own baby shower... that was 5 months ago...

Oh yeah... and my aunt lives in Muskegon, MI, and the girl lives in Port Huron, MI. That's 3 hours (200 miles) apart.

Nowhere on my facebook does it say anything about being in a relationship, weddngs, nothing... and the only mention of any man is my talking about little man.

I want to know where this all came from!

Can I get a big WTF?

My aunt is a fucking wackadoo. She adopted 2 kids when they were middle school age (they're her equally wackadoo husband's) and earlier she was on the phone with my other aunt, who is here visiting... and told her to tell me "welcome to parenthood". No, bitch, you didn't push a baby out of your vagina and stick him on your boob... and you certainly didn't get up every night with them when they were infants.

Can we tell I can't stand my aunt? She's seriously a fucking whack job. She acts like she's still in high school. I really can't stand her. And I was tricked into giving her my cell number. And she's mad that I won't let her comment on my facebook bahahaha.

Listen, you stupid bitch.

I honestly wish I could get it in me to stoop to their level. Seriously, I'm not a one upper (or downer in this case?!) but I want to smack the shit out of this twat and make her realize how easy she's had it her entire life.

But, I can't. Not to mention she's spent the last 4 years doing everything in her power to make my life miserable (and not succeeding... bahahaha). All she's done is alienate herself from all of her friends. Sucka.

Anywho... 

L is persistent. I mean, he's been persistent for years. Why? No idea. Maybe because I'm not crazy? He says he's obsessed with white girls (okay, seriously, that's the 3rd time I've heard that in 2 weeks)... hahahah. Whatever. At least we have interesting conversations, and he's been a real friend to me for the past few years and didn't stop talking to me when I was pregnant. 

I wish my effing laptop wasn't broken. I'm so scared to move it because it flops around. I think I'm going to use electrical tape and tape it together until I can get the new one. (Yes, new one has been decided upon already). I don't even know how it broke, but I'm very sad about it. It runs so well and is otherwise in great condition... damn it. I'm so sad. It does, however, piss me off that everyone keeps telling me to get a MAC.... I fucking hate them. I hate the operating system, they're super expensive, the keyboard is weird... and I HATE THE OPERATING SYSTEM. Bleh. Leave it alone, I'm getting another Dell, and I don't care! 

Whatever, I'm stuck on how I should start blogging about how awful my life has been so she can see she's a fucking cunt. But I won't. I told Cerrissa that I was going to blog in detail about how I pushed a baby out of my vagina. BAM. She found that hilarious.

But seriously, whenever I get time, I should make a serious blog post... so that all 2 of the people that read this can really know why I'm so... the way I am... lol. But for now... it's sleep time, I finally got Mr. Party Pants in bed... haha

here, let me entertain you...

1. What was the highlight of your week?
dinner and ridiculousness with Cerrissa and Joseph last night.

2. Whose car were you in last?
my mom's....

3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
never. or whenever little man wakes up to eat.

4. What color shirt are you wearing?
white.

5. How long is your hair?
short :(.

6. Are you good looking?
of course! ;)

7. Last movie you watched?
A Cinderella Story or something, it has Selena Gomez in it.

8. Who were you with?
myself.

9. Last thing you ate?
stuffed crust pizza. not as good as it sounds.

10. Last thing you drank?
coke.

11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
ugh.

12. Who came over last?
um... my sister's friends. I don't have friends.

13. Are you happy right now?
kind of.

14. What did you say last?
good night.

15. Where is your phone?
on my nightstand.

16. What color are your eyes?
green.

17. Are you left-handed?
nope.

18. Spell your name without vowels:
Brnd.

19. Do you have any pets?
my fat beagle Lucy.

20. Favorite Vacation?
Yellowstone.

21. What do you dislike currently?
ha ha hahahaha. everythinggggg.

22. What are you listening to?
I'm watching the Disney Channel. go ahead and judge.

23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
someone to snuggle with.

24. What is your favorite scent?
cinnamon. rain.

25. Who makes you happiest?
my little man.

26. What were you doing at midnight last night?
some cunt had her fake boobs rubbing on my back...

27. When is your birthday?
March 13.

28. Who has the same phone as you?
um, everyone?

29. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
last summer.

30. Do you read your horoscope?
occasionally.

31. Where was the last place you bought something?
Target.

32. How do you feel about your hair right now?
I wish it was longer :(.

33. Do you bite your nails?
no.

34. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
no.

35. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
still no.

36. Myspace or facebook?
twitter.

37. How fast have you driven a car?
fast.

38. Have you ever smoked?
yes.

39. What was or is your favorite subject in school?
psychology, obviously ;).

40. Do you have Verizon?
negative.

41. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for?
the wrong kind, clearly.

42. Do you have any hidden talents?
I can fit my entire fist in my mouth. BAM. oh, and I can sing...

43. Favorite Song?
Ice Ice Baby. NOT.

44. Do you like to sing at all?
yes.

45. Dream Job?
counseling victims of sexual assault and domestic violence.

46. Where does most of your family live?
Muskegon, MI.

47. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
brother, half brother, sister, sister-in-law.

48. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
kind of.

49. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
woahhhh my boobs are going to explode!

50. Do you drink?
how else would I keep hydrated?!

51. Know any other languages?
gibberish. ebonics. a little spanish.

52. Ever write a coded message?
um, I was a child once.

53. Have you ever been IN a wedding?
nope. and never will be. I'm not even cool enough to be a bridesmaid, let alone a bride... bahaha.

54. Do you have any children?
yes, my little man <3.

55. Did you take a nap today?
yes.

56. Who has the same birthday as you?
my freshman roommate Jessica, my high school friends Mike, Randy, and Jordan.

57. Ever met anyone famous before?
yes. plenty.

58. Do you want to be famous one day?
nah.

59. Any Pet Peeves?
ugh, don't get me started.

60. Are you multitasking right now?
sure?

61. Do you like Britany Spears?
Britney. and FUCK YES.

62. What is your least favorite chore?
all of them, clearly. lol.

63. Last place you drove your car?
Target and back.

64. Ever been out of the country?
Canada and Mexico.

65. Where were you born?
Muskegon, MI.

66. Could you handle being in the military?
I could have when I was going to join 5 years ago...

67. What is your average cell phone bill?
too much.

68. Who are you thinking about right now?
my future boyfriend.

69. When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
earlier when I was watching the episode of Chelsea Lately that Ross Matthews hosted...

70. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
too many, most of them I never wear.

71. Are your toes always painted?
yes.

72. How many piercings do you have?
just one hole in each ear.

73. What are you doing today?
sleeping, cleaning.

74. Have you ever been gambling?
VEGASSS.

75. When is the last time you updated your page?
what page?

76. Do you like rollercoasters?
love.

77. Have you ever been to disneyland or world?
world, twice.

78. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
um... Brian on Family Guy. Who doesn't love a talking dog?

79. Last thing you cooked?
me, cook? BAHAHAHA. ramen.

80. How's the weather?
hot. boo.

81. Do you e-mail?
yes.

82. What's the stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
freshman year of college I threw my cell phone off a 2nd floor balcony... onto a cement patio.

83. Last time you were sick?
I'm finally almost totally over my cold.

84. What states have you lived in?
Michigan, Indiana, and Texas.

85. Do you wish you could move?
yes.

87. What is your dream car?
a mom car.

88. Have you ever wanted someone you cant have?
isn't that the definition of want?

89. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
Houston. and Betsy would be with me.

90. Are you happy with your life?
mostly...

beep beep.

Well, he's OUT. For real. I gave him a billion chances and he just kept fucking up. I can't keep putting myself through that. Yes, I'm hurt, but I'll get over it.

My sweet little man is teething, and he's a screaming mess. It breaks my heart. I cried with him earlier because there's nothing I can do. One has broken the gums, the other hasn't. Poor guy :(. I did just successfully get him in bed, hopefully he sleeps through the night like he has been.

My aunt gets here Tuesday night. She's taking over my room. I kind of actually don't care, minus I'll miss my TV at night. I'm bunking with Trevor, but the bed in there is more comfortable. She leaves next Monday, so it's not too long.

My brother and sister-in-law are trying to make a baby!

Ohhh, Armando added me on facebook and wants to hang out, he says he misses me. OHHH a year later you miss me. We'll see. I can't leave little man with anyone until he's done screaming his head off the entire time he's awake... haha.

Speaking of men, I wrote my future boyfriend a letter in Afghanistan. How weird is that?

Finally... I've applied a million places... okay not entirely a million, but a lot. and it bugs me that no one has called me back yet :(.

Good night, drama queens.

P.S. BULLDOG NATION! Butler is taking it all Monday night!!